mightaswell.

Yes, I write letters. Not just any letters though. I write angry letters. In, what I presume is, the great British tradition of passive aggressiveness, I write politely phrased letters to whoever I believe might be responsible for whatever it is that makes me furious, kindly asking them to ‘SORT IT ASAP YOU HEAR ME?‘. Most of the time, I get angry about the cleanliness of places, or sexism in the media; Metro is one of my favourite targets regarding the former, and public areas in Manchester for the latter. Or vice versa. You know what I mean.

As I am currently drafting a letter to my MP, Mr John Leech (yes, it’s THAT serious. I will use the word ‘eyesore’ and send an actual letter in the mail), I thought I might as well share my passion with you. Please find attached an email I sent to the Heaton Park management team in June 2010 after a visit to the ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ performance regarding the toilet facilities.

Dear* Heaton Park team,

while I appreciate* Heaton Park as great* and rather tidy* park, I was shocked to find the toilet facilities near the farm centre in a terrible condition last weekend. The general cleanliness of the facilities was poor, hardly any of the doors could be locked, the washing basins were dirty and there was absolutely no tissue available – other visitors commented that it was almost as bad as “portaloos at a festival”. I visited the park on Sunday 20th June to watch the Shakespeare play and I expected the facilities to be looked after, especially for such an event.

Please take this as a kind* suggestion to improve the bathrooms to make Heaton Park more pleasant* for all visitors.

Thank you very much*,

Angry Letter Lady.

I’m such a twat.

Nevertheless, here’s the reply I received from Mr Peter Davenport, only a few days later:

Dear* Samantha

May I first thank you for your email regarding the condition of the toilet block.*

At Heaton we make every effort to ensure that all our visitors leave the facility with every intention to return after a satisfying experience, it is always disappointing to have reports that our facilities are being maintained under standard, our contracted clean team are responsible for the maintenance of all the toilet facilities within the Park and have to monitor them at least every hour and clean where necessary, as you can appreciate with visitor numbers so high this sometimes has downsides to the service when monitoring other buildings within the Park. [...]

We will ensure that your supportive* comments and constructive* criticism are relayed to the clean team so that any further operations maybe implemented however as detailed above we will occasionally due to heavy use fall below standards expected from the management of Heaton Park.  Once again on behalf of Heaton Park I would like to apologise* for any inconvenience caused and hope this will not reflect on any future decision to visit.

Regards

Peter G. Davenport

Well, thank you Peter, thumbs up for the quick reply and the friendly reply. Much appreciated. Angry Letter Lady is happy again.

* Clear sign of passive aggressive behaviour.

There you go, part 2 of Sam’s patchy and highly subjective guide to “Things you shouldn’t miss when in the German capital. Part 1 (art & culture) can be found here.

Food

• Transit - Asian fusion cuisine in Mitte (U Rosenthaler Str.) and Friedrichshain. The menu comprises an array of small dishes for 3 Euros that you can mix and match – all dishes are available in veggie versions, too. The tasty food is served quickly, the waiters are lovely and the atmosphere is buzzing.
• Luigi Zuckermann – Almost right next to Transit in Mitte is Luigi Zuckermann, a New York style sandwich shop and deli that’s open 24hrs on weekends. The guys who work there don’t speak German, which isn’t really a big deal in Berlin, keep themselves awake by blasting obscure music, and serve you rather expensive but rather delicious coffee and apple pie at 4am. Win.
  
• Noodles & Figli – I have no idea what the name is about, but this inconspicuous restaurant in Kreuzberg is as simple as it is excellent. 3 courses form its Italian cuisine inspired and very seasonal menu are somewhere around 25 Euros, the open kitchen heats up the place to sauna-like conditions in cold weather, and the waiter is happy to sit down and have a chat with you.
• Cookies Cream – A veggie fine dining dream come true. Located literally in the back entrance to the opera house near Französische Straße, you have to make your way past bins and discarded chandeliers to find the entrance of Cookies Cream. The food is both interesting and tasty, staff keep the wine coming (oh dear…), and the big “Ficken” print on the wall reminds you that you are in one of the craziest capitals of Europe.
• Schneeweiss – Nice restaurant in Friedrichshain that serves modernised Austrian cuisine and looks incredibly pretty. Being extraordinarily attractive and looking good in a plain white t-shirt seems to be an important requirement to become a member of staff. Not that I would mind.
  
• Burgermeister, Marienburger, Burgers Berlin and all the other independent burger places – Oh yes. The city has seen a massive rise in independent snack bars in the past few years, and they all offer tasty homemade burgers, almost always with one or several veggie options, home made french fries and sometimes organic. Have yours with a “Bionade” (hipster lemonade) and munch your hangover away.
• Salon Schmueck – Lovely cafe that must have been teleported from the enchanted part of the Black Forest right into the heart of Kreuzberg. The breakfast here is colourful and filling, and there are blankets to keep you warm outside. The vintage clothes shop in the back is a quirky addition, but not really worth mentioning.
  

Other

• Tacheles – Somehow this place reminds me of Islington Mill; there’s gigs, art, food, and other stuff going on. Worth a visit, for an event or just for hanging out.
• Michelberger Hotel - Yes, this hotel IS pricey for Berlin standards. It’s pretty though, perfectly located for public transport, offers amazing “luxury” rooms, the staff are international, confused and lovely, the bar is open til 6am, the cocktails are ridiculously strong and the instruments (including a grand piano!) in the “living room” make for great entertainment including the odd  Ryan Adams performance by drunk Danes. Excellent.
  
• West Germany - If you manage to find this old dentists practice on the top floor of an apartment block in Kreuzberg, you can call yourself lucky. The small gig venue is as run down as it gets, but the balcony offers exciting views over the area and a feel of big city life.
• Photo booths – Ooooh no, you can’t leave Berlin without having your picture taken at one of the oldfashioned photo booths placed all over town. For a mere 2 Euros you get a strip of fantastic b/w photos that also make for great souvenirs. If you live in Berlin, you’re required by law to have at least one shot of yourself and friends squeezing into the tiny photo booth after a bit of a heavy night out stuck to your wall. The ones I know about are on Kastanienallee and two near Warschauer Strasse.
  

[Photos: Luigi Zuckermann - kygp, Salon Schmueck - Kristina M, Schneeweiss - Sang-hee, Michelberger Hotel - Matt Biddulph]

Hello, Happy New Year, welcome back, etc etc. I hope you’ve all managed to get rid of your  hangovers by now and are looking forward to a promising and eventful new year. I’m not, but that’s a whole different story.

Since Berlin is probably my 2nd favourite place in Germany (after my hometown and only slightly before Leipzig; I love Leipzig and the three years I lived there were amazing, but in terms of things to do, Berlin just trumps any other place really), and every single Mancunian seems to have been to Berlin in the past year / has plans to go soon, I thought I might as well share my patchy inside knowledge with you lot. Due to the size of the post, I’ve split it up in two parts – food & other will follow in the next couple of days! And here we go, Sam’s patchy and highly subjective guide to “Things you shouldn’t miss when in the German capital – Part 1″. Part 2 – Food and other stuff – can be found here.

Art & culture

• Schloss Charlottenburg – I do love them castles. Schloss Charlottenburg is a particularly lovely one in the western part of Berlin, and what makes it even better is the fantastic garden/park with a boating lake that reminds of Versailles. Well, a mini version of it.
• Hamburger Bahnhof - This place used to be a train station (Bahnhof) and is now a huge gallery for modern and contemporary art. Unlike the UK, German art galleries and museums are usually not free, and this one in fact quite expensive. Totally worth it though.
  
• Zoo (West Berlin) – One word: animals. Thanks to many glass windows rather than fences you can get incredibly close to some of the animals. There is also a panda, which seems to be asleep most of the time. For good panda views, go on a weekday when the weather is bad and check the feeding times when the carers trick the panda into sitting really close to the glass by putting his food right it front of it. Not that he’d be particularly bothered. Bless.
  
• Bauhaus Archiv – Cause we’re all, like, totally arty and stuff. The Bauhaus Archive includes a nice little collection of Bauhaus related design, furniture and architecture, a gallery for temporary exhibitions (which are a bit hit and miss), and a shop with many pretty things that cost you many pretty Euros.
  
• Gedenkstätte Berliner Mauer, Bernauer Str. - This museum and memorial for the German division is a good place to learn about German history without the silly “Ostalgie” (East German nostalgia) that is inherent in so many places in Berlin. I grew up in West Germany, I learned about the German division in my history A-Levels, then lived in East Germany for a while, where my friends’ parents told me about their lives, how they had to fight for their beliefs, how they claimed access to their Stasi-files after the DDR had collapsed*. And trust me, there is no room for nostalgia.
• 100 Bus service – The 100 bus is almost like one of those hop on/off city tour coaches, but cheap. It takes you all around the city, along the most important sights like the Friedenssäule, Unter den Linden, the Reichstag…
• Boat tour - They’re ace. Touristy, but ace. Seriously, you’re sat on a boat for an hour, someone tells you about the history of the city, and if you’re lucky, they even sell drinks on board. Order a “Berliner Weisse grün” (white beer with sweet woodruff syrup – bright green!) or a cup of coffee (don’t bother with tea. Germans don’t know how to do proper tea) and relax your feet. You can get on at the bridges near Alexanderplatz/Berliner Dom.
• Film museum – A brilliant little museum in the Sony Centre (yawn) at Potsdamer Platz (YAWN). Not much hands on stuff, but props, scripts, models and costumes from some amazing films, alongside background information. Featuring a life size Darth Vader!
  

Phew. That’s it with art and cultchah from me for now. Check out part 2 – food and other stuff.

[Photos: Hamburger Bahnhof  - Regine Debatty]

* I’m getting well emo here.